Love at the Wal-Mart

Thats right no pictures today......

Today’s spree through Wal-Mart was quite revealing in regards to dating/love in this grand land... really, all you need to know you can glean from observing the shoppers as they load their carts up and pop out their quest cards. Observations: - to get a fine woman, it is vital that you are a meth-addicted, arrogant shit-bag or a pompous assholes . MEN WHO DEVIATE FROM THE TWO ACCEPTED TYPES NEED NOT APPLY.

- espanol is the language of love, and apparently everything else at Wal-Mart. learn it, gringos! - One of the most popular techniques for getting a woman appears to be the 'cart wrangle'. to perform this maneuver, you place your cart at about a 45 degree angle in the middle of the aisle and have an accomplice [perhaps your assistant drug dealer?] do likewise at the other end of the aisle, thereby hemming the honeys in, kind of like drive deer. This allows you to "spit your game" (best bets - METH, ICP/twisted, marijuana, getting really high/drunk/released from county jail, and the like). Either ignore or threaten the inconvenienced shoppers outside of your hemmed-in area... fuck 'em!

- Few women have kids that match the guy pushing the cart. Figure that shit out, fools... - bring a copy of your felony record along! Crime really DOES pay in this game of love... violent crimes against your ex are major bonus points with the ladies! The longer the rap sheet, the longer your penis is assumed to be and therefore the more benefit.

- mumbling and "speaking your word" using the international thug-language, Ebonics, work far better than complete sentences utilizing the queen's English... even better, malt-liquor babble interjected with some Spanish curse words! it’s like magic with the women...

- men who can smuggle electronics/formula/car parts/$5 movies out of the store without being caught, or ones who can knock the geriatric door greeters down without mercy, are golden to the women of Wal.mart. Seduce her with a new DVD player or some store-brand speakers to put in her cavalier wagon, and those panties are good as gone!

- put your ball cap at a jaunty angle, or put it on backwards for best effect. Tees that have suggestive, lewd, immature, or confrontational/threatening pictures or phrases are best.

Now you champions of Wal-Mart love! Happy hunting


I've got another rant about this dude on my road. His wife won't allow a TV in the house so he sits in the Garage ever night in front of a 15" BW...but thats for another day.