Tooth'n

In keeping with the spirit of the "Check Out my Striped Shirt" email that went around last year, I figured it was high time someone wrote about another real American Asshole- Bluetooth Earpiece Guy.
Check me out with my futuristic mobile phone accessory that I purchased for $49.95. I'm so important that I have to wear it even when I'm not driving or otherwise using my hands. When you are making deals, sometimes you have to gesture, and it is those moments in which the earpiece is the difference between just sounding like an inconsiderate cocknob and fully committing to the role with every fiber of your being.When you average turds get a call, you have to dig in your pockets and hold your phone to your ear, but not me. I just tap my earpiece and start talking. I look like a crazy person because the absence of anyone with whom to make eye contact just leaves me staring at various things around the room, talking loudly in sentence fragments. If you are stupid enough to think I am screaming at you about the cable guy not showing up on time, I will give you a dirty look for eavesdropping on my 120 decibel conversation. You don't understand the gravity of the things I have to deal with every day and you have to earn the right to identify with me.